Everything I know about people I learned from pens. “Pens! They’re the best friends you can have. “Some of us, like Ross here, will want to follow in their father’s footsteps… but you can’t sign on forever.” Do you remember? And what did we conclude?”
Pauline: “Now, we were thinking yesterday, weren’t we, about jobs. “You can shout out as many jobs as you like, Ross you’re never gonna bloody get one, you worthless dole scum!” It’s a bit like Bunty, but written by tramps.” “For those of you not in the know, The Big Issue is a magazine. Time for men, men with jobs, to go to work! Other men stay in bed ’til dinner time, watching Tots TV, thinking about how worthless and pathetic they are… Good morning Jobseekers!” We thought we’d give you a tour of the amphibarium, and then if you’re very good you can stroke my greenback.” Pauline Campbell-Jones “Batrachianism is a most rewarding pastime. Harvey: “Into which we do not pass solids.” Val: “We thought you’d be happiest down here on the sofa bed, you’ll have your own shower and WC.” Val Denton: “And that was his mother and father.” (Photo: BBC) I remember the whispered comments, ‘Here comes Harvey Toadface.’ ‘Quick hide, Toadface Denton is coming!'” Harvey: “When I was younger I suffered terrible facial warts. And in the cupboard beneath the stair, you’ll find the red for pubic hair.” White for hands, brown for feet, green for torso, thighs and seat. Harvey : “How dare you, sir! In this house, we do not use the F word! This is a toad!”
“Maybe if you spent a little less time cavorting with Madam Palm and her five daughters, you’d be a little more alert.”ĭelivery Man: “Hi, I’ve got a frog for a Mr. It’s not a particularly pleasant thing to do, especially with two young girls running around now is it? I would hate to imagine either Chloe or Radcliffe, tearing down the stairs first thing in the morning, only to find you, hunched double on the sofa bed pumping your fist!” Perhaps you would mock the toad in his wisdom? What is good enough for him is not so for you?! Father Toad has been on this Earth since the dawn of time, millions of years before man saw fit to scratch out the back of their latrines… I daresay he and his amphibian brethren will outlast our own petty species.” (Photo: BBC) My toads will consume almost three times their own volume in urine every day. On “drinking one’s own pee wee”: “There are plenty of precedents in the animal kingdom that demonstrate otherwise. A dawdling flaneur, content to waste his life spread-eagled on a pillow, forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm.” “Perhaps you’re a naturally slothful person, sluggish and indolent.